In case no one ever told you.. “Never say never.”

you know why? cuz that’s probably what will happen next.  i bought a condo about a year and a half ago in santa clarita. at that point, i committed to living in the area and going to that church (which was my primary motivation for living there anyway) for quite a while. i said, “i’ll never leave this church. i love it, and i see my place here.”  i said, “i’ll never move back to walnut creek. my home is santa clarita now.” guess where i moved to. i also have said many times that i would never live with a couple, cuz that’s just weird and awkward. guess what. since i moved home i now live with TWO couples, one of which uses the bathroom that connects to my bedroom. sadly, the couple that isn’t my parents will be moving out this week. they’ve become like family, so i’m sad. of course i’m excited to get my bathroom back, but still. oh. and i said i’d never make a big decision with money as the number one reason. *buzzer sound* wrong again. i moved here for the job, remember? and about that job.. i’m doing something i said i’d never do: industrial films. they are totally uncreative how-to’s about an online website-making program, and i also have to do all the technical stuff i don’t like doing.

BUT. guess what else. i was reminded that my spiritual walk is not dependent on which church i get to go to. as long as i am with a body of believers who preach the Word and love Jesus, i think i’ll be alright. i’m also getting to meet and get to know some really cool people. even my new boss is really cool. so far, among other things, we’ve walked to a pub and hung out at conseco fieldhouse in indy, bbq’ed with his friends, and begun to build a great company. and he goes to my church.

so things are shaping up pretty nicely.

by the way [for that one person who may have noticed] i’m back to the alphabet after two posts away. they were important enough to warrant a departure from the form. but after a long break, the doctor is in.

almost forgot. i ripped a phone book almost in half yesterday. i got halfway thru and lost it. i blame it on the guy who tried right before me. he messed up the cover so it was hard to hold on to. that was at work, btw.

an encouragement to vote

I know this is a little late, but good anyways.

the following was emailed to me by my dear friend and pastor up north:

“Dear Friends,

Several weeks ago I preached a sermon called “In God We Trust,” in which I outlined the relationship of the Kingdom of God to politics. I ended by stating that the Kingdom of God is not affected at all by who is elected to public office. Our hope is not to be in our political system any more than David’s hope was to be in numbering his troops.

But that doesn’t mean we are to be politically inactive. The Old Testament has a number of examples of people who spoke out politically. Nehemiah was a cupbearer to the king and used his position to political advantage on behalf of the Jews. Daniel was a respected statesman in four successive pagan administrations. Of course, David and a number of godly kings served God in their political regimes. In the New Testament, Paul made an appeal to his Roman citizenship a number of times.

Next Tuesday we will have the opportunity to vote in a historic election. I urge you to vote. Your vote is important for a variety of reasons. As citizens, Christians are to exercise our voice to influence the direction of our country. It doesn’t make sense to talk about the evil influences of our day if we don’t do something to stop them.

The Presidential race offers a clear cut choice between two competing ideologies. Besides the issues of abortion and advancing the homosexual agenda (which many “evangelicals” are encouraging us to ignore), raising taxes, increased government spending through “redistributing” the wealth, the war in Iraq, and solving our current economic crisis are all hot-button issues. But frankly, if we vote our pocketbook and ignore the moral issues of our day, we are not approaching the issues with a biblical mindset. Any candidate in any race who will not take a stand against the heinous practice of abortion and the perverted homosexual agenda should be rejected.

Many “evangelical” leaders are trying to reframe these issues to include the elimination of poverty and global warming as primary moral issues. But that only confuses the issues. Global warming is an incredibly misguided piece of illogical contortion of Scripture which shouldn’t even be listed in moral concerns. And, while addressing the poor is clearly a biblical mandate for Christians, the biblical solution is never government sponsored. Jesus ministered to the poor on a personal level. He never involved Rome.

I urge you to vote with a biblical mindset. This begins with an understanding of biblical morality. Abortion and homosexuality are clearly condemned in Scripture by any objective view. This has specific ramifications here in California with Proposition 8, which provides the most dramatic issue, possibly of this whole election season.

This proposition contains the very same words that were approved by 61% of the voters in 2000. It states simply, “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” If passed, these words would be added to our state constitution. They would overturn the ruling of the four judges on the California Supreme Court who felt that their opinion was more valid than the majority of Californians. By the logic they expressed in their ruling, three people should be able to get married if they are “in love.” Or you could extend that to four people, or a man and two women, or a man and a child. After all, pedophiles say they “love” children too. The logic is preposterous.

Senator Diane Feinstein has started airing ads against Proposition 8. She says it is “discrimination.” Of course it is. But all laws are discriminatory. If someone broke into the Senator’s home, she would “discriminate” against them and call the police. We discriminate against murderers, rapists, thieves, and people who jaywalk. If we had no discrimination at all we would disband our police force, shut down our court system, stop passing laws-and live in chaos, free from discrimination.

The issue is not discrimination. For society at large, the issue is removing the priority of the most important institution we have and giving legal cover to an aberrant and damaging lifestyle. All objective societal indicators reveal the importance of children growing up under the influence of a mother and a father. When this is removed as the preferred model, the result will continue to be the degradation of the home and advancement of a harmful model for relationships between adults that will have damaging affects on children as well. Innocent children can already be adopted into a homosexual “home,” and we already have laws on our books that mandate teaching children in our public schools that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, bisexuality, or transexuality. If Proposition 8 does not pass, state law would require public school teachers to teach young children that there is no difference between gay marriage and traditional marriage between a man and a woman. Only teachers of conscience in our public schools who would violate these laws would stand between the brainwashing of a whole generation of impressionable children.

The issue is also not about rights. Homosexuals enjoy the same basic protections under the law that all citizens do. They have the same right to live, work, play, entertain, and travel wherever they want to as everyone else does. Our laws also protect them against assault, rape, theft, and other crimes against the person. In fact, the homosexual agenda continues to push for more rights than any other group of people enjoy. What other group pushes for “hate speech” legislation that makes it a crime to even talk in a negative way about them?

If Proposition 8 is defeated it will remove the legal umbrella for the most valuable and enduring contract in our society. Marriage between “Party A” and “Party B” would officially remove the priority of a man and a woman raising children. It is almost too preposterous to imagine, but here we are. The image of two people of the same sex being “married” would be absolutely silly if it weren’t so tragic.

For the Christian, this is an overt attack questioning God’s creation of a man and woman in the Garden of Eden. It offers a crude counterfeit that is intended to destroy the very thing that is intended to be the ultimate human refuge for a man and a woman. Marriage is not only the sacred picture of Christ’s love for the church, it is the primary place where love, forgiveness, acceptance, holiness, joy, emotional maturity, and spiritual sanctification are learned and passed on to the next generation. Proposition 8 won’t kill those things for Christians who still want to follow Christ, but it establishes the official position of society as opposed to God’s provision.

Simply stated, a “yes” vote on Proposition 8 would ensure that even the State Supreme Court would have to uphold the standard of marriage for a man and a woman. As Christians, we should applaud and support this measure. I urge you to vote “yes” on Proposition 8 for the following reasons:

It restores the biblical standard of marriage between a man and a woman that is so important to society at large.
It restores the definition of marriage that has permeated all civilized cultures for thousands of years.
It will deny the opportunity to teach about the validity of homosexual “families” in our schools.
It does not take away any “rights” extended in our constitution to anyone.
It will place a significant roadblock to the homosexual agenda.
Thanks for reading through all this. I apologize for the length of this but this is one of the most important issues we have ever been asked to vote on. I firmly believe that if this proposition is defeated, the march toward criminalizing the reading of Scripture as “hate speech” will continue. God is still sovereign and will eventually vindicate His name. But in the meantime, we have the opportunity to stand against evil and continue to work for His kingdom here on this earth.

Sincerely yours,

Jon McNeff
Senior Pastor
NorthCreek Church”

MURDER

http://www.gerald285.com/view/uploads/ThisIsAbortion-Download.wmv

when people ask why you think abortion is wrong, what do you say? if they dont believe what the Bible says about human life, show them this video. that child has a completely different dna. it is a separate human being from conception. who is the mother to say whether her child dies inside her? if we do not allow mothers to murder their children after birth, why do we allow murder before birth? i know i once had an incorrect impression of what happens with an abortion. maybe you do too. it is messy, disgusting, reminiscent of the brutality of ‘less civilized’ cultures of the past.

if you faint at the sight of blood, etc, you may not want to watch. if this video does not even slightly disturb you, you need help.

please pass the word. abortion is murder.

if you do not want to or cannot download, go to http://www.gerald285.com/view/?pageID=317766
and click on one of the links for the abortion video.

home, sweet home.

hello, all,

i have been really busy this summer. for 3 months i didnt have free time.  so i apologize for not writing. you probably looked over here and were disappointed at least once.  (yes, im speaking to all 5 of you.. if that.)

so, as my oh-so-cliche title suggests, (btw, avoid cliches like the plague.. you’ll get that later)  i have moved in to my new home with the guys.  so, ive committed to a long time in santa clarita.  im a landlord !!   so, life is a bit different, and busy, and im working on finding a more steady job to support me during six flags’ off season.. which started already ..grr..

oh yeah! and i got approved to play green lantern and scarecrow! in addition to playing robin, of course. scarecrow was the funnest thing ive ever done for work in my LIFE!!  i scared like at least 600 people, one of which was a giant black man who screamed like a baby and tried to hit me in the face.  then i scared 20 people from pretty far away by screaming and waving my hands and my head around like a crazy person..and running right at them. very fast.  it was glorious.. all the other six flags employees i knew who were around were busting up.  so i guess i did a good job. and loved it.

well. see ya next time.

oh! heres a pic of me at the park!

: ) : | : <

getting the most out of sixty-two cents

so, today was 31 cent scoop night at baskin robbins. they were doing some firefighter fundraiser. i was gonna meet my friend at the saugus store, but he didnt show. either he ditched me or i had the wrong time. eventually, after waiting in payless pretending to shop for shoes, i decided id just get in line and get some cheap ice cream. i walked over to the line, and it was reeeeally long already. i weighed my options: leave and go back to the library, or stay and watch ridiculous people and get ice cream. (if you are trying to guess what i decided, obviously im writing this story, so something interesting must have happened. and it probably was not on the way back to tmc.)

so, of course i stayed. the first people i observed were a little family of 3 right in front of me: 10-year-old girl, just excited about ice cream; her 7th-grade obviously-from-another-father brother, a too-cool-to-have-fun-in-public, almost-8th-grader; and their not-in-her-twenties-anymore mom. first, brother and sister were fighting over a bouncy ball (you know, the kind you get for a quarter out of a machine in a pizza place). but sister bounced it into the parking lot and hit a car and chased after it, so mom confiscated it. then i found out sister was a first-class rock climber, judging by her skills in scaling the vertical face of the faux-rock pillars outside the stores. brother kept telling her how to do it better, but he just stood under the pillar watching her. maybe brother is really her coach? mom apparently didnt realize what an avid climber her daughter was. she just ignored her daughter’s frail body dangling high above the cruel, unforgiving pavement.

suddenly, a small squadron of teenie-boppers came up on my 6, complete with cellphones in hand and mom’s money in pocket. (granted, scoops were only 31 cents, but they spoke of incredible masses of sugary goodness they were about to acquire.) teenie#1 kept talking about this guy that was supposed to be here but wasnt and wouldnt answer his phone but his other friend was here at the front of the line but he probly wouldnt talk to her cuz he doesnt know her at all.. anyway, her friends said to just go up to the guy’s friend and say “hi im teenie#1], so-and-so’s friend. do you remember me?” but she was too shy, so she kept calling, but i dont know why. all i know is she used way too many of her mom’s minutes. then the guy finally answered, but apparently the call only lasted a half second. i think he pulled the open-close-real-fast-so-it-doesnt-go-to-voicemail-again. and i dont blame him.

then i noticed the group in front of the little family.. they were the not-so-little family. there were only 3 of them, but, well, mom was not little. she went up to the employee at the door, desirae (she was assigned to control the flow of customers in and out of the store). a few seconds later, she turned around and super-excitedly exclamed “YAY! they have sugar-free ice cream! i can eat too!!” (btw, i rarely make fun of overweight people. i know there are real and serious disorders that can contribute to obesity. i just hope she is not one of those people who thinks aspartame and other artificial sweeteners can solve her weight problem.) as her excitement leveled off, her kids noticed sister’s amazing climbing skills and thought they would try it too. sugar-free-mom apparently knew they would not make good climbers. “NO!! get down! dont climb that!” at this point sister was using a nearby trash can as an extra boost, and brother/coach did not approve. he made sure she knew she was “such a cheater”. not-23-mom still didnt know what was going on.

then a little camera crew from baskin-robbins corporate rolled up. they were: plastic-face-smiley-anchorman with mic in hand; heavy-set man-in-charge with model release forms in hand; and small-ish weird-looking guy with scratchy voice (sidenote: I later met these men, we became friends, and now the camera-man has gone home to be with Jesus. Love ya, Chan! See you soon.) with video camera in hand (actually it was the same kind of camera i had before it got yoinked last year out of my dorm room, ironically, the first time i ever locked the door). they got some general coverage of the crowded line, then went inside to get pictures of some cute little ice-cream-faced kiddos. at this point all my new little friends all realized there was a ‘tv camera’ and started shouting “im gonna be on tv!!” so then sister decided to come down, and not-23-mom told her to stop touching the dirty trash can. umm.. thanks, mom.

so finally we all got inside and ordered our sugary(well, most of us)-goodness. i got two scoops. (whoa! what diet? [just kidding im not on a diet.]) they forgot to give us spoons at first, so i stared at my ice cream and pretended it tasted good. then we got our much-needed spoons, and i slowly.. really slowly.. chipped away. i got to the register and paid with coins. yaycheapicecream!! i left a little tip for the efforts of those high-schoolers who were really workin hard, and for the generosity of b-r for holding this fundraiser for firefighters. good cause. well, i walked out to the parking lot and looked back happily at the still-long line of customers-to-be. as i pulled out my keys, i realized that i was out of ice cream. all gone. so, i licked my spoon clean and threw it in the trash.

then i came back to the library. end of story.

*disclaimer: i wrote 90% of this story, then the browser tweaked on me and deleted it. i hope attempt #2 was half as good.

1 john, my death, a brush with fame, and the castle

its been too long. so..

first, here’s basically what i did for a Bible study a little while ago:

Who is Christ? 5:1,5

Before we begin, please turn with me to 1 John chapter 5. Much of this book has been about tests: the doctrinal, moral, and relational tests of the genuineness of our profession of faith. [what we believe about Jesus Christ; whether we obey God’s Word and love and delight in it; and how we love one another in Christian friendship in the local church] Rather than focusing on the TEST of our faith, this passage gives testimony to the OBJECT of our faith.

Last week we learned that the believer’s victory lies in the confession of Jesus as the Son of God. John 5:1, 5 tell us that He is the Christ/Messiah and the Son of God. This is a specific confession about the REAL Jesus. This doctrine goes hand in hand with the faith that characterizes the Christian.

So, tonight we will be talking about:

The Testimony of God Concerning Jesus Christ: 3 Witnesses – v. 6-9

Our Response to this Testimony – v. 10

The Result of our Response – v. 11-12

This is John’s defense against the heretical claims of Gnosticism using God’s own testimony.

READ: verses 6-12

6. This is He who came by water and blood–Jesus Christ; not only by water, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who bears witness, because the Spirit is truth.

7. For there are three that bear witness:

8. the Spirit, the water, and the blood; and these three agree as one.

9. If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater; for this is the witness of God which He has testified of His Son.

10. He who believes in the Son of God has the witness in himself; he who does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony that God has given [testified] of His Son.

11. And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.

12. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

Textual discrepancy: the parts of 7-8 I didn’t include there are not found in our oldest manuscripts, but were added later. They are not doctrinally incorrect, but they do not belong in the context of this passage. Ask me if you want to know the details, or look it up somewhere.

WHAT is one important word/theme in verses 6-12: ……WITNESS (RECORD/TESTIMONY) martyreo/martyria: to testify/a testimony (as in a court of law). The Greek word is used 9 times in the passage. IMPORTANT REPETITION!!

The Details of the Testimony of God – v. 6-9

Jesus ‘came by water and blood’. (Why does John say this? What does that mean?) ………………It is a reference to Jesus’ baptism and death. Some false teachers were teaching that Jesus of Nazareth received the Christ-spirit at His baptism and ceased to be the Christ just before His death. Others were saying that Jesus only appeared to be human, like a really good hologram. No. This is Jesus, the Christ. He was Christ at His baptism AND death. Apparently this congregation that John is writing to was confused by the false teaching.

Water:

ASK for confirmations: God spoke at His baptism, the Holy spirit came down to Him like a dove, and later John the Baptist proclaimed who Jesus was. (Mt. 3:16-17)

Why was Christ baptized?…………… John even tried to stop Him, since he knew Jesus didn’t need to be baptized! Baptism was an outward sign of repentance from sin, but He was publicly identifying Himself with the sinners He came to save. His perfect obedience never stopped Him from performing everything God commanded of His people (as with the temple tax). He claimed no exemption. As He came out of the water, the Spirit descended upon Him like a dove, and a voice from heaven spoke. (John 1:32-34; Matt 3:16-17) This is one testimony to who Jesus is.

Blood:

The soldier in Mt.27:54; complete darkness, earthquakes, broken tombs, raised dead, temple veil torn; thief and centurion in Lk.23:41, 54; not to mention the countless prophetic confirmations

If He was not both human and Christ at death, He would not have the power to overcome sin, and he would not have risen. (1 Cor. 15:14 ‘And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.’)

Spirit:

How does the Holy Spirit testify to Jesus as the Son of God?………. Jesus was conceived by, led by, empowered by, and filled with the Spirit. If He made all these claims while all this is true, then that means the Holy Spirit led Him to lie, which is against the nature of the Holy Spirit.

The Spirit bears witness to this testimony because the Spirit is truth. John is no longer stressing apostolic authority. He appeals to the testimony of someone greater. There are 3 witnesses: the Spirit, the water, and the blood.

(1 John 1:2 – ‘we have seen it and bear witness’) Man’s witness is received in a court of law as evidence. If the witness/record of men is received as truth, we ought to believe the witness of God, because it is so much greater. Why do we listen to false teachers? This is the witness of God concerning His Son: he who does not believe in the Son of God calls Him a liar and is antichrist. (2:22)

Our Response to the Testimony of God – v. 10

If you believe this testimony, you have the ‘witness in [your]self’. 1 John 2:20-21, 27 tell us that we have the Holy Spirit and we don’t need some other ‘special knowledge’. When we read about His baptism and death, the Spirit testifies to us.

Rom 8:15-16 – the Holy Spirit tells us that we are children of God. If you do not believe, you are calling God a liar, which is blasphemy.

The Result of our Belief in God’s Testimony – v. 11-12

This is God’s testimony: (v. 11) “that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.”

In John 17:3, “This is eternal life, that [you] may know [God], the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom [He has] sent.”

John presents no neutral position. No straddling the fence. Matt. 12:30 (to the Pharisees), “He who is not with Me is against Me.”

The Warning to those who reject it: “How will [you] escape if [you] neglect so great a salvation?” (Heb 2:3)

The Promise: “As many as received [Jesus], to them He gave the right to become children of God, even those who believe in His name.” (John 1:12)

—————————————

I died! well.. in a movie anyway. it’s called ‘downstream’. it might be in theaters some time in the future, but if not, they’ll probly sell it to sci-fi channel or something. i played a resident of a ‘tent city’ where the main dude stopped on his journey. the day he leaves our village, the bad guy comes in and kills all of us. i was in front of my fellow tent city people when the shooting started, so i died first. so…. thats my first time dying on film. ive died on stage before, but this is a whole new thing for me! billy drago [http://imdb.com/name/nm0236711/], who played an antagonist character (and fellow tent city resident) told me that if you die [some 4-digit number.. i forgot] times on film, you actually die. so, hes strange. but a great actor. we shared a seat in the 12 passenger van we used that night as a heated breakroom. and i was his stand-in for a few scenes while he took a break. oh! im pretty sure he is the only person to ever kill sean connery on screen! (see ‘the untouchables’) i helped another main character up several times after he had to repeatedly fall on the ground cuz he died in that scene too. so, it was an interesting few days. and during the countless hours they had us there in our wardrobe and makeup stuff, but didnt have anything for us to do, i played some card games (mostly b.s.) with the other extras. ..i mean, ‘background talent’. it was great. we played cards in a castle dressed like medieval townspeople. yes, a castle. there is a castle in lancaster! its on a cattle ranch called.. can you guess?.. “Castle Ranch”. yep, those lancasterians are creative. i didnt have a spare second (literally) from like wed afternoon thru monday night. between work, film, meetings, and church, i was completely booked. ugh. lack of sleep.

so, maybe i’ll give more updates later. but i hope that satisfies the masses for now. oh! your name just got called. get outta here. oh, i hope you had a great april fools!

‘empires’

here’s a little something from a while back.

So… a couple years ago (october of freshman year at tmc) I went to Disneyland. I went with 6 of my friends from my alma mater, 3 being grads and 3 being high school students. The people who don’t use the wonderful convenience we call “Fastpass” are either complete idiots or they lost their tickets.

At one point that day, all of my friends wanted to go on the teacups but since I have been there a million and nineteen times, i decided to sit one out. While they stood in line, I took all of our tickets and got fastpasses for another ride. Now if that’s not the way to do it, then i don’t know what is.

Later in the day, we did the same thing again, but one of the girls that was there went with me this time. while we were waiting for the rest of the group to get off the Jungle Cruise, she decided she wanted to look for some shorts cuz LA is really hot during the day and she had pants on. So we went into a store in Adventureland and looked for her shorts. she looked all over the store and finally found some she liked, but there was a small problem. She was wearing a white shirt with pink writing on it and the shorts were several shades of blue. She was thoroughly convinced that she couldn’t possibly be seen in a slightly mismatched outfit. She kept looking some more, but found nothing more. After she contemplated the hopelessness of the situation, she resolved to check the price of the blue shorts. As she turned over the tag, she shouted, “There’s no way I’m paying 40 bucks for a pair of Billabong shorts from Disneyland!”

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that Disneyland and other such empires seem to make such an incredible profit, but they still can’t seem to make the price of a corndog less than the average Chevy! Oh well, maybe Disney will go under for some reason and all their money will go to the state of California for that budget of theirs. HA!!!

definitely a classic.

i thought this was neat.   i think i appreciate it a little extra, being a film major..

oldest animation ever!!

commentary on manhood

i have officially achieved manhood.. i own a 50″ hd1080 tv! (its one of those big rear-projection ones that just stands on the floor with hidden rollers underneath.) and surround sound! granted, i dont have an hd cable feed or blu-ray player (..yet). if i did, it would be amazing!! but its still sweeeet. we watched part of ‘the good, the bad, and the ugly’. (which in the original italian means ‘the good, the ugly, the bad’. spaghetti westerns rock. look it up.) but it was kinda slow for the first big-screen movie. so then we watched T2. also a great movie, but for waaaay different reasons. who wouldnt want to see their governor (the governator) on a harley with a shotgun? then i watched and helped my roommate play a super tough part of ‘god of war’. amazing game. seriously. we were up til like 5 on accident and werent even a little bit tired. anyway, the entertainment experience was great. in fact, im afraid those little tvs are going to feel pretty lame now. so, thanks to that santa claritian who bought a really expensive tv and sent it back to goodwill when the next big thing came out. you have made my apartment official.

its funny how manhood has been characterized by things like horsepower, decibels, resolution, etc etc.  ever watched home improvement?  awesome show.  but it exploits the idea of the dumb american dad obsessed with those things.  just an interesting thought.  and its surprisingly common in movies and tv.

well, have a good night. im going to get fish tacos for a dollar tonight.  yay!

borrowed dreams

i realized (not so much realized, but re-realized) tonight that i dont have dreams. i dont refer only to the night-time variety. although i honestly dont remember the last one i had of that kind. i mean the August 28, 1963 kind. the sort of thing you really really really want, but it will only happen if you pour 119% of yourself into it. as of may ’08, i will have one year until my planned escape from la. i was trying to figure out what the heck im going to do. my sister asked if i have any places i really want to go. for example, she said she would love to go to greece. i couldnt do it. i mean, i would love to go to antartica, but thats a little difficult. and not very fun. id like to go a lot of places, but nothing stuck out. ive always loved the city. but i think maybe ill escape to something less populated. a friend of mine said colorado is amazing. (she lives there. of course she recommends it.) focus on the family is in colorado springs, which isnt terribly far from denver. and im sure i could get some kinda job thru them. maybe with video stuff. who knows. hmm.. i think ill go to boston. i think ill start a new life. i think ill start it over where no one knows my name. ill get out of california.. im tired of the weather. i think ill get a lover and fly them out to spain. yeah, i think ill go to boston. i think im just tired. i think i need a new town, to leave this all behind. i think i need a sunrise.. im tired of the sunset. i hear its nice in the summer. some snow would be nice. ohhhhh yeahhh. then theres the issue of what to do with the rest of my life. i dont even know what i want to do. i keep finding great opportunities, but they screw me over. i just want a steady income that will allow me to pay bills plus eat. and maybe take a lady friend out to lunch every once in a while. or dinner. and dessert is nice too. ok im done. i was just thinking again. im living on borrowed dreams.

goodnight.